I am so distraught right now. So caught up in emotions that I'm losing my head. Wanting things to work out so badly that I'm a complete mess. Mascara stained pillow cases. What am I doing???? Have I forgotten the most important thing? The only thing that matters in this life???
My Redeemer...
He wants whats best for me.
If it's meant to be it will be.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Psalm 71:5 For You are my hope, O Lord GOD; You are my trust from my youth.
Do I not know these verses to be true?? Of course. He truly has my best interest at heart. So why won't I trust him?? He knows me better than I know myself.
I'm done worrying. I'm done trying to control my life. It is in your hands. Do what you will....
Uganda
My Husband
Nursing
Finances
The building I call my "Church"
Insecurities
"Faithful" There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave i wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here But the comfort of you near is what i long for
When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray And i want you more than i want to live another day And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful
All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone i still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right So i whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tounge, knowing you're the only one who knows me You know me
Show me how I should live this Show me where I should walk I count this world as loss to me You are all I want You are all I want
Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I heard this song today and it has just been on my heart. Listen to the words...he knows us! http://www.myspace.com/audreyassadsings Audrey Assad: As the dew falls on the blade You have touched all this fragile frame. and as a mother knows her baby’s face, You have known me.
As the summer air within my chest, I have breathed You deep down into my breast. And as You know the hairs upon my head, every thought, and every word I’ve said…
Saviour, You have known me as I am Healer, You have known me was I was and as I will be In the morning in the evening, You have known me You have known me completely You have known me.
And as the exhilaration of autumn’s bite, You have brought these tired bones to brilliant life And as the swallow knows, she knows the sky this is how it is with You and I.
From the fall of my heart to the resurrection of my soul, You’ve known me, God, You have known my ways In my rising and my sitting down, You have seen me as I am.
As the lover knows His beloved’s heart; all the shapes and curves of her, even in the dark, You have formed me in my inward parts; You have known me, You have known me
Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.
Friday, February 5, 2010
I heard this song on the extravagant grace blog...
If you take a moment to listen to the song and really listen to the words I hope it will touch you like it touched me today. Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up with life and forget the big picture. It doesn't matter what others think. I know my purpose here. I know my relationship with Jesus Christ is real. He sent his son for me. He loved me first so I could love in return. I will love.
Up Calvary’s mountain one dreadful morn Walked Christ my Savior, weary and worn Facing for sinners death on the cross That He might save them from endless loss
Blessed Redeemer, precious Redeemer Seems now I see Him on Calvary’s tree Wounded and bleeding, for sinners pleading Blind and unheeding, dying for me
“Father, forgive them,” my Savior prayed Even while His lifeblood flowed fast away Praying for sinners while in such woe No one but Jesus ever loved so
Blessed Redeemer, precious Redeemer Seems now I see Him on Calvary’s tree Wounded and bleeding, for sinners pleading Blind and unheeding, dying for me
Dying for me
Blessed Redeemer, precious Redeemer Seems now I see Him on Calvary’s tree Wounded and bleeding, for sinners pleading Blind and unheeding, dying for me
Oh how I love Him, Savior and friend How can my praises ever find end Through years unnumbered on Heaven’s shore My songs shall praise Him forevermore
Blessed Redeemer, precious Redeemer Seems now I see Him on Calvary’s tree Wounded and bleeding, for sinners pleading Blind and unheeding, dying for me
Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.
Religion says, If I obey God will love me. If you stop drinking, smoking, doing drugs, having sex outside of marriage and start doing these other things...then I will love you.
Redemption says, God does love you he has loved you in the life, death, burial, and resurrection of Christ Jesus....while we were still sinners he died for us. Because God loved us first we can love him. Religion is like this... A father saying to his daughter:
Sweet heart, here's a list of things you need to do for me. If you do them I will be your daddy and I will love you. And if you don't do them I won't love you and I won't be your daddy.
God looks at his children and says...I love you! Therefore love me and obey me! I am your daddy, my commands are good. I'm here to protect and defend you. Religion says, that the world is filled with two kinds of people....GOOD people and BAD people. How do you know the good people? Well, they are like me of course. The bad people..they're not like me.
Redemption teaches...there are two kinds of people...Repentant and unrepentant. Because all people are bad.
Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
God looks down on the world and sees bad people and Jesus Christ. Religious people don't get it...they look at the world and say or they're not good people.
Religious people are the ones who murdered Jesus Christ!
Jesus goes to the most jacked up, the sexually immoral, the prostitutes, the alcoholics, the thieves...and he says you're sinners! And they say totally can you help us? Can you come over to our house for dinner we're totally jacked up we need help!
Jesus goes and says the same thing to the religious people...and they say you have a demon in you, you're an evil doer! We're good guys they're bad guys! How can you hangout with the bad guys? You're not a good guy you're not like us! You broke our rules. We're going to kill you.
Thats religion.
Religious people care all bout your birth. Did ya grow up in a christian family? Did ya go to a christian school? Did ya go to awanas? Did ya? Did ya go to a christian college? Did ya win the Bible trivia bowl? Do ya know anything in king james? Do you know all the worship songs? Did ya sing "this little light of mine let it shine" as a kid? Did ya?
Being born into a christian family, having a mom and dad that love Jesus, not a problem if you love Jesus. If not its only cuts in the line to hell. It's really no benefit at all. Because religion cares about your birth.
Redemption cares about your new birth. That's what redemption is about. A guy comes to Jesus..What do I need to do? Jesus says you were born, you've been physically alive, but you're spiritually dead. You need to be born again. You need to be spiritually born again. God needs to be your father, church needs to be your family, men and women who love God need to be your brothers and sisters, you need a new life, you need a new start, you need to be born again, you need a new birth.
It's not did you come from a good family? It's have you been born again?
Religion tells you it's all about what you do! So do this, do this, do this! Don't do that, don't do that, don't do that! The problem is usually the rules aren't in the bible they are making them up as they go. Just because you own a Bible doesn't mean you get to keep writing it. Religious people love to make long lists of rules...check..check..check. They say it's about what you do and don't do.
Redemptionsays it's not about what you do, it's not about what you don't do, it's about what Jesus has done. That's what it's all about.
Religion says, do this, do this, do this. No, Jesus goes to the cross and says what? It's finished. Jesus is God. He lived the life we could never live. He died the death we should have died and on the cross he says it's finished. It's all done. There's nothing for you to do to be redeemed. I've done everything. Trust me.
Religion NEVER leads to joy. Or humility. Because religion makes a long list of rules that aren't in the Bible. If you obey them you are an arrogant self righteous jerk. You think you're better than everyone. If you're honest you realize you don't even play by your own rules and you're a total hypocrite. And then you get totally depressed. How many of you have lived this life? I'm not good enough, I've tried hard, I'm not perfect, maybe God doesn't love me, maybe there's no hope for me, I've tried religion and I just can't do it.
Or...
I don't drink, or smoke, or chew, or cuss, I'm a Godly person! No, you're filled with pride. That's what got Satan kicked out of heaven. Pride is not a virtue it's a vice.
God doesn't want us to be proud or depressed, desperate or hopeless. He wants us to have a humble joy. Religion only leads to pride. I did it! Dispare. I can't!
It NEVER leads to Jesus. It never leads to humility. I'm a sinner. I didn't save myself. I didn't redeem myself. I'm not the hero of my life.
Jesus is my hero. Jesus is my redeemer. He leads to joy. God blesses me. God has good things for me. If I walk with him whether it's a difficult season or a blessed season God will give me Joy.
I paraphrased part of a redeeming ruth sermon. This is one of my favorite topics that Mark Driscoll discusses. I really get fired up about this too! I'll post the video in case you want to watch the whole thing.
Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.
"Yada" To be acknowledged & understood. To be "perfectly" known.
Psalm 139.23 Search me, O God, and know my heart.
Do not awaken love!
Song of Songs 8.4 Promise me O women of Jerusalem not to awaken love until the time is right.
8.6 Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death it's jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth his offer would be utterly scorned.
Love is never bought. It's freely given. Not because it's cheap, but because it's priceless.
God's love is....
Personal
Passionate
Protective
Powerful
Possessive
Priceless
Persevering
Take some time this week to recount the story of your relationship with God. How have you seen the seven attributes of love expressed toward you?
Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Tonight was soooooo amazing!! I love my sisters so much! Tonight just reassured me that I am heading down the right path. If you didn't get a chance to be there tonight here is the video. Also, a few things I thought were important.
Maximize your singleness for God
That means read your Bible
Volunteer your time
MEN
Are you honoring her?
Are you wanting to know who she is?
Is she modest?
Can you lead her?
Does she have a noble character? (Gen 2:18 & Prov 31)
Can you provide for her?
Is she like the negative woman in proverbs? (Nagging, Unfaithful, Overbearing)
WOMEN
Do you want to help this man?
Is he tough enough to remain strong in tough times?
Is he considerate and generous to you?
Will he be a good daddy?
Is he a one woman man? (Cheating, Flirting, Looking at porn)
How valuable are you to him?
If he is unwilling to prove himself today he won't ever prove himself in the future.
Do you want your sons to grow up to be like him?
Do you want your daughters to marry men like him?
Well that's all for today. I will blog for real soon. I promised Jen. : ]
Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.
So I'm sitting in Starbucks and I just finished a mark driscoll sermon. I'm listening to this song and I feel like I have a lot to get off my chest, but I'm not quite sure how to put it all down at the moment....These are some of the lyrics to the song.
I Shall Believe: Matt Brouwer
Broken in two I know you're on to me That I only come home
When I’m so all alone But I do believe That not everything is gonna be The way you think it ought to be It seems like everytime I try and make it right It all comes down on me Please say honestly You won’t give up on me And I shall believe Open the door
And show me Your face tonight I know it’s true No one heals me like You And You hold the key
That not everything is gonna be The way you think it ought to be It seems like everytime I try and make it right It all comes down on me Please say honestly You won’t give up on me And I shall believe
Often times we only go to Christ when we're alone, when we have hit the bottom, when we are hopeless. I want to be with Christ ALL the time, not just when I need him or when it's convenient. Sometimes I feel like when I am making progress and things are looking up everything comes crashing down. I take two steps forward and five behind. I know I've done things the wrong way. I am trying so hard to move on from that and repair the damages that I've made. I know I cannot fix it on my own. I know that God is the one who can heal all. Sometimes I feel its as if I'm not making any progress at all. I know this is not from my savior. This is from the one who wants nothing more than to so me fail, to see me give up, to see me lose all hope. I pray that my God doesn't give up on me. I pray that I grow each and every day until I am the woman he has created me to be. The daughter of the king. And still grow some more.
I am so confused. The things that I thought were right, the path that I was going down it feels all wrong now. I can't even put into words why I feel this way or what it even is exactly. I just know that this isn't it. I don't know what I am suppose to do or what is suppose to happen now. I know that my God has a plan. He is in charge. He is redirecting my path and I am ok with that. His plans have always been SO much better then my own. I am falling more and more in love with my creator. There is a season for everything. Maybe this is my season to grow closer to him.
Your words are my food, Your breath my wine. You are everything to me.
