Monday, December 28, 2009

I Shall Believe

So I'm sitting in Starbucks and I just finished a mark driscoll sermon. I'm listening to this song and I feel like I have a lot to get off my chest, but I'm not quite sure how to put it all down at the moment....These are some of the lyrics to the song.

I Shall Believe: Matt Brouwer
Broken in two
I know you're on to me
That I only come home

When I’m so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be
The way you think it ought to be
It seems like everytime I try and make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly You won’t give up on me
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me Your face tonight

I know it’s true
No one heals me like You
And You hold the key


That not everything is gonna be
The way you think it ought to be
It seems like everytime I try and make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly You won’t give up on me
And I shall believe




Often times we only go to Christ when we're alone, when we have hit the bottom, when we are hopeless. I want to be with Christ ALL the time, not just when I need him or when it's convenient. Sometimes I feel like when I am making progress and things are looking up everything comes crashing down. I take two steps forward and five behind. I know I've done things the wrong way. I am trying so hard to move on from that and repair the damages that I've made. I know I cannot fix it on my own. I know that God is the one who can heal all. Sometimes I feel its as if I'm not making any progress at all. I know this is not from my savior. This is from the one who wants nothing more than to so me fail, to see me give up, to see me lose all hope. I pray that my God doesn't give up on me. I pray that I grow each and every day until I am the woman he has created me to be. The daughter of the king. And still grow some more.

I am so confused. The things that I thought were right, the path that I was going down it feels all wrong now. I can't even put into words why I feel this way or what it even is exactly. I just know that this isn't it. I don't know what I am suppose to do or what is suppose to happen now. I know that my God has a plan. He is in charge. He is redirecting my path and I am ok with that. His plans have always been SO much better then my own. I am falling more and more in love with my creator. There is a season for everything. Maybe this is my season to grow closer to him.

Your words are my food, Your breath my wine. You are everything to me.