.::Daughter of the King::.

So many thoughts have been running through my head waiting for August 12th to arrive. Well, it's here, but I have spent the last hour staring at the blinking cursor. I have decided to lay it all out. ALL of it. The good, bad, and yes the ugly the very ugly. Most of you know I grew up in a Christian home doing Christian things like always being in church whenever humanly possible, doing the churchy bible verse drills, singing all the churchy songs, going to a churchy school from when I was five until I hit a bump in the road at sixteen which catapulted me into this spiral of wrong decisions. Not that any of those things are wrong. A Christian family is a blessing, knowing scripture and being in God's word should be like breathing(literally we will die without it), being able to be in a Christian school surrounded by believers, praising the father in song all of it wonderful. I was so focused on this religious part of having to be perfect, a morally good person giving of yourself always, living by this check list of things that I could say "Oh look I've done this" or "Oh I would NEVER do that." I prayed the prayer when I was six and baptized shortly after. On the outside I was undoubtedly a Christian, but on the inside starving for the truth that I was so close to, but lacked so much. Looking in the mirror staring back at me was this churchy Christian like person with a head full of religious lies. I believed them all.

For so incredibly long I believed them all. When I was sixteen I had my first real boyfriend. I had my first taste of this false impression of love. Afraid of losing what I thought I needed to be whole, I went against everything that I had learned growing up. I gave of myself to a person that didn't deserve me. This relationship, if you want to call it that, became physically and sexually abusive; forever marking me and ultimately changing me into the person that I am today. I was asked to leave the Christian school I was at, but did end up going back the following year and graduating the year after that. I forced myself to pretend like nothing happened. I tried to make up for my mistake by acting like this holy person that never sinned ever. For some reason I thought this next relationship would be different. I was so wrong. I believed this lie of love = sex and sex = love. I had finally reached a point of not caring in the least what I did outside of the church building. Of course I didn't tell anyone this. Every Sunday and Wednesday I put on this mask of righteousness and went on my marry way. Well can I say that when the Lord wants to take you from something he will. As excruciatingly painful as it may be IT WILL HAPPEN. Yes, we broke up. I slowly tried to put back the pieces myself. Can you ever really put the pieces back perfectly to something you didn't create?

For the next year my relationship with God was works based. I went to church every Sunday and Wednesday (maybe missed a few here and there), went on two mission trips, gave of myself entirely. Every time the doors were open I was there. Did I mention I was baptized again? For some reason I thought the water was saving me apart from my heavenly father. If I was in control of my salvation I sure was doing a poor job. Like I said I tried to put the pieces back together. For a year and a month I hadn't been in a relationship. I guess you could say I thought I was starting to get things together. I started doing a book/bible study with a friend of mine. As I was helping her search the depths of her heart, all of the pieces I had put back together in mine were falling apart and taking new ones with them. A year and a month all wasted on one night. I had failed my God, my sisters, and myself. I felt so worthless. So disgusted with myself I showered and scrubbed my skin until it was raw. All the progress I had made...all of it w a s t e d. I was done. I was tired of doing this religion thing. I finally realized that I couldn't accomplish any of this on my own. So many promises I had made to God were never kept. I had failed him. I never asked him for help. My idea of salvation was in the end going to heaven and not hell. How sad. I was missing out on so much.



Remember the story of the woman that reached out to touch the garment of Jesus? For twelve years this woman was unclean. Everyone she came in contact with became unclean in result she became an outcast. She had spent everything she had and no one could heal her. For twelve years this woman searched and searched and searched and was never healed. She had absolutely nothing left of herself to give. She thought maybe just maybe if I touch his robe I could be healed. This story is a beautiful portrait of salvation for us all. This woman was healed by her faith in Christ Jesus alone. The thing so remarkable to me is that she had touched so many people before and made them unclean. She touched Jesus and what? HE MADE HER CLEAN!! How absolutely beautiful! "Daughter your faith has made you well...." The same healer that met her that day in the streets met me at my breaking point that night August 12, 2009. No amount of scrubbing could make me clean. Only the hand of the father. I can honestly say I truly gave my life to Jesus that night. Salvation is so much more than not going to hell.

Salvation is not heaven. Salvation is not eternal life. Salvation is not a crown of jewels. Salvation is not for us to feel better about ourselves. Salvation is not this entitlement for God to give us what we think we want.

Salvation is Christ.

This past year has been absolutely amazing. Being at Refuge for 7 months now I have experienced more than I could have dreamed. Yes I was baptized again. :) Because I truly gave my life to Christ after all of that I felt as though I did things out of order. This time I wasn't six and it wasn't anything about saving myself. When Jesus died on the cross it was finished then. Baptism is a symbol. As beautiful as it is that's all it will ever be. A symbol of a new life with Christ.


Tonight at Bible study Erin Shaw said something that really hit home with me. She said we get to decide how we respond to God's refining work. That trials aren't pass or fail. Trials are for the purpose of God's refinement. He brings out all of bad and cleans up the mess. Today is a year exactly that I was made clean. I have been refined, redeemed, restored, and renewed. One verse God has been burning in my heart is...

Joel 2:24-25 The threshing floors shall be full of grain; the vats shall over flow with wine and oil. I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten.

He truly is restoring those years!

In a previous blog I told you about the calling God has placed in my life. I still don't understand why God is using me to further his kingdom, but I truly am grateful. I don't start nursing school until June and I have been blessed with the opportunity to invest in the lives of the middle school girls at Bell Shoals Baptist. This fall I will start C-Groups, Sunday school, and a group for the girls that feel called to missions/ministry. I have been given the opportunity to do aftercare again so between working at the school and Starbucks I will pay off my debt completely and go to Israel and possibly Ethiopia. Lord willing. :)

I have been called to do girls ministry. I honestly couldn't see myself doing anything else for the rest of my life. The relationships I've made with these girls already are incredible. The Lord has placed this burden on my heart to invest in the lives of girls. This urgency for them to discover where their identity is and for them to be so consumed with the author of love itself Jesus Christ.

I thank God that none of this was wasted. Each day I am being refined. He is still writing my story. For I am a daughter of the King.



Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.

Spontaneous

Kim Walker::Spontaneous
Oh, Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit!
Come have Your way, Holy Spirit
Your love is better than wine
Your love it flows, it flows, it flows,
Let it flow over us tonight
Let it flow!

I am my Beloved's and He is mine.
Oh I belong, I belong to You, Jesus!
We belong to You, Jesus!
We belong to You!
We belong, we belong, we belong, we belong to You!

Every single heart longs for you.

How could we not fall so hopelessly in love with You?
How could we not fall head over heels in love with You?

I am my Beloved's and He is mine.

I am going to drink deep of Your love,
Drink deep, I drink deep of Your love
Letting it go deep inside of me
Every part of me
Im going to drink deep, drink deep of your love.
Cause it's better than wine!

I am my Beloved's and He is mine.
I belong to you.
I belong to you.
You've marked me with Your love
And I, I belong to You.
And it makes me, just crazy happy
Makes just feel so... silly.

I can rest assured.
I can rest assured.
Cause I belong to you.
I belong to you.


Psalm 16
Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord,"You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you." As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not poor out or take their names on my lips. The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.



I have no words at the moment. Just a song that has been playing in my head and a passage that spoke to my heart. I will write soon. Just not now.


Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.

True Worship

It's been a little while since I've blogged. A lot of things have happened recently. Last weekend I went to Ft Myers for Disciple Now where I lead 5 study sessions with middle school and high school girls. God truly blessed me throughout the weekend. The weekend before I went to Gasparilla Island with Refuge. Last Wednesday at Refuge X & Y Hope Smith spoke on answering God's call to missions. I'm still in the process of being completely sold out to God. (Not that there really is a point that you reach we will forever continuously be challenged) BUT I am learning to give up the things I so desperately hold on to.

As there are many the one I have trouble with the most and speak so often about is the desire for my husband. I have been challenged to not be a schemer. (Which I do so well ;] Not the giving it up part but the scheming part) Ooooooooooooh Lordy can I scheme. BUT I am working on it. All in God's timing. I have realized that the thing I idolize the most is wanting to have a husband and have a family. Not that wanting these things are bad, but when this comes from my lips more than the gospel how can I expect God to bless me by giving me the desires of my heart when I'm not proclaiming his name wholeheartedly???

I truly believe God will give me a husband, but I need to make use of my singleness. This is the time where my relationship with God and my knowledge of him should be growing. How can he work on me when I am distracted by something else or someone else? (Sooo much easier said then done though)

Side note:
So Hope Smith like I said spoke at Refuge X & Y last Wednesday. Her story really hit home with me. There's a time when God will ask you for your heart and a time when he will ask you for your obedience. I've been running. Running for a VERY long time. I remember sitting in chapel at Seffner Christian (I was like 12) praying for God not to make me a missionary. I will be anything else that you want me to be God, but PLEASE not that! He has been waiting for me to respond to him for a very long time.

I'm not sure exactly if God is calling me to another country or to be a pastors wife or what it is that he has planned, but I do know that he is asking me for my heart. To trust God that the plan for me may not include the white picket fence, hubby, and kids. That I may need to be single to further his kingdom. Finally I have reached a point where I've given up this thing that I hold on to most. He isn't asking for my obedience yet. I'm not at that point in life. He is making the path though. He has my heart. All of it. Wherever he calls me to go I will go. If its starting a church in the US or going to the ends of the earth I will go. With or without a husband I will go.


My prayer is to hold true to my word. That although I have made this decision now it will still be my decision when I get to that lonely place. I know it won't be long and it will be difficult, but as each day passes he is truly filling my heart with a desire for him that surpasses all.

There is a quote by Tozer that exemplifies the desire of my heart.

"True worship is to be so personally and hopelessly in love with God that the idea of a transfer of affection never even remotely exists."


I honestly hope I get to a point where this will reign true.

Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.

.::Purpose::.

How many times a day do I complain about something not going right in my life? Honestly, take a second to sit back and reflect. How often are you complaining about something? Even if it is small. I ran out of gas today. I'm tired. My bills are too high. I'm not making enough money. I want a new job. Where is my husband/wife? I'm not happy with my appearance. Why is this happening to me? When is it going to be my turn? If I only had that then I would be happy.

I've been faced with a few questions that have stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Do you feel more loved by God because he makes much of you? Or, because he frees you to enjoy making much of him forever?" -John Piper

"Am I making much of God only because he reveals himself as the one who makes much of me?" -John Piper

If Jesus came back today and told you I'm sorry you won't make it into heaven when you die would you still live the rest of your life honoring and glorifying him or would you live the rest of your life doing whatever you wanted to because you knew you were going to hell?

It's not about ME!!!!!!

-Not even in the least-

For so long I've thought of God as my redeemer. He came for me. He died for me. He is sanctifying me. He picked me up. He put the pieces back together for me. He knows the desires of my heart. He loves me. He desires me. He is pursuing me.

All of this is true BUT it doesn't end there. It can't!

-Predestination-

Ephesians 1:5-6

In love he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ , according to the purpose of his will to the praise of his glorious grace.

-Creation-

Isaiah 43:6

I will say to the North give up and to the South do not withhold bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth everyone who is called by my name whom I created for my glory whom I formed and made.

-Salvation-

2 Corinthians 5:14-15

For the love of Christ controls us because we have concluded this that one has died for all therefore all have died and he died for all that those who might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

-Sanctification-

Philippians 1:9-11

And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more with knowledge and all discernment so that you may approve what is excellent and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God.

-Propagation-

Romans 1:5

Jesus Christ our Lord through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations.

It's not about me. Everything that God has done/and is still doing it all has one purpose. To bring glory to God. He predestined us into his family to bring honor and praise to him. We were created for his glory. He gave his life so that we might bring him glory. We are sanctified for the purpose of bringing him glory. We have received grace and discernment solely to bring him praise. That is our purpose. That is why we were created. That is why we are blessed or go through times of hardship. That is why he shows us love....so that through it all we would give him praise.

When this finally sank in I was not receiving it well. In all honesty I was a bit prideful. I thought to myself how selfish? You create a world of people just to bring you praise? I couldn't believe this thought entered my mind. I soon realized like so many other things it is much much bigger than that. He is God! He created me? The God of eternity. The one who created EVERYTHING created me. Amy Florez. When he could have done anything else. He created me. I will praise him! That is the least I could do. He is God it isn't about me. It isn't about what I have or don't have. He is the almighty! I can't put into words really why....it's simply because he is. I think when you reach this point you will to understand. There won't need to be an explanation as to why I will do all I can..with every part of my being I will bring him praise. Not because he created me. Not out of guilt or feeling as if I owe something. Simply because HE IS GOD.



It's not about if we were baptized, how we became a christian, if we grew up in the church, if we sang this little light of mine as a kid, if we know all the books of the Bible, if we use instruments in worship, if we're a calvinist or armenian, if we wear our "sundays best". This life isn't about what we do or don't do. So often we become legalistic and we lose sight of EXACTLY why we are on this earth.

[To glorify God!]

Now back to the last question.

If Jesus came back today and told you I'm sorry you won't make it into heaven when you die
would you still live the rest of your life honoring and glorifying him or would you live the rest of your life doing whatever you wanted because you knew you were going to hell?

Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.

.::Food for thought::.

Last night was my first time hearing Pastor Rummage of BSBC speak. The series we are on is "Dwell Deep." Last night we discussed our Bible. Below are the notes I got from it and though it seems simple I really think that if we do this we will get more out of God's word.

Principles for interpreting your Bible:

Revelation-God did something to reveal himself. People saw what he did.
Progress-The Bible becomes more complete as it moves from beginning to end.
Meaning-Every passage of scripture is about something.
Consistency- A passage cannot mean now what it never meant then.
[There's a difference between application and interpretation]
Discovery-Find the meaning of a passage, don't create a meaning for it.
Clarity- Look for the clearest and most obvious meaning of the passage.
Simplicity-Most passages have only one meaning.
Harmony- The Bible speaks consistently with itself.
Language- Interpretation must be rooted in the words of the passage itself.
Honesty- Ignorance as to the meaning of some passages must be admitted.
Obscurity-Don't base major doctrines on unclear passages.
Humility- Check your interpretation against the interpretation of other believers.
Redemption-The cross of Jesus Christ is the central theme of all scripture.


Guidelines for studying your Bible:

-Use a bible translation you can use and understand.
-Focus your study on a paragraph of scripture.
-Read the passage repeatedly.
-Outline the big flow of ideas in the passage.
-Write each verse of the passage on a separate sheet of paper.
-Make observations of the detail you see in each verse.
-Ask questions about each verse.
-Based on your study write the BIG IDEA of the passage in one sentence.
-Identify and articulate the supporting ideas of the passage.
-Now that you have discovered what the passage means consider what it means to you and to others and how you are called to respond to this portion of God's word.

Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.

In Christ Alone

[Consuming Fire]
There must be more than this
Oh breath of God come breath within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for you
Fill us anew I pray

Consuming Fire
Fan into flame
A passion for your name
Spirit of God
Fall in this place
Lord have your way
Lord have your way

I honestly I don't even know what to blog about. I can't seem to put my thoughts down. Although there are manyyyyyyy. I'm so confused as to what I should be doing. I will do whatever it is that you want me to do. I just want an answer. :/ I don't know where to go, what steps to take, where I should spend my time. I just want you to tell me. I'm listening. So for now until I figure it out I'll leave you with this. These songs have been floating around my head....

[From the Inside Out]
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise.




[Clinging to the Cross]
My soul is weak
My heart is numb
I cannot see
But still my hope is found in You
I'll hold on tightly
You will never let me go
For Jesus, You will never fail
Jesus, You will never fail

Simply to the cross I cling
Letting go of all earthly things
Clinging to the cross
Mercy's found a way for me
Hope is here as I am free
Jesus, You are all I need
Clinging to the cross

Even darkness is as light to You, my Lord
So light the way and lead me home
To that place where every tear is wiped away
For Jesus, You will never fail
Jesus, You will never fail

Simply to the cross I cling
Letting go of all earthly things
Clinging to the cross
Mercy's found a way for me
Hope is here as I am free
Jesus, You are all I need
Clinging to the cross

What a Savior, what a story
You were crucified but now You are alive
So amazing, such a mystery
You were crucified but now You are alive

Simply to the cross I cling
Letting go of all earthly things
Clinging to the cross
Mercy's found a way for me
Hope is here as I am free
Jesus, You are all I need
Clinging to the cross

Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.

If it's meant to be it will be &hearts

I am so distraught right now. So caught up in emotions that I'm losing my head. Wanting things to work out so badly that I'm a complete mess. Mascara stained pillow cases. What am I doing???? Have I forgotten the most important thing? The only thing that matters in this life???

My Redeemer...

He wants whats best for me.

If it's meant to be it will be.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Psalm 71:5
For You are my hope, O Lord GOD;
You are my trust from my youth.

Do I not know these verses to be true?? Of course. He truly has my best interest at heart. So why won't I trust him?? He knows me better than I know myself.

I'm done worrying. I'm done trying to control my life. It is in your hands. Do what you will....

• Uganda
• My Husband
• Nursing
• Finances
• The building I call my "Church"
• Insecurities
  
  
  
  
  
  
  "Faithful"
  There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
  i wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might
  I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here
  But the comfort of you near is what i long for
  
  
  When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
  When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
  And i want you more than i want to live another day
  And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful
  
  All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
  i still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
  So i whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tounge,
  knowing you're the only one who knows me
  You know me
  
  
  Show me how I should live this
  Show me where I should walk
  I count this world as loss to me
  You are all I want
  You are all I want
  
  
  
  
  
  Your words are my food and your breath my wine. You are everything to me.